


If I could put into words each second of my life.

by zeroescape



Category: THE iDOLM@STER, million live
Genre: F/F, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 13:05:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18152231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeroescape/pseuds/zeroescape
Summary: a collection of short drabbles centering around kotoha(and girls i ship her with). mostly vent writing.





	If I could put into words each second of my life.

"My, my, Kotoha. What's gotten you so frantic and worked up?"

Kotoha bolted up and turned around from her feverish raiding of the vanity drawers as Azusa walked into the dressing room. Panic was written all over her face, Azusa could tell, as she sighed and crossed her arms, leaning against the doorframe.

"I... I've lost my script for the musical I got a part in. We start reading lines tomorrow, and if I don't at least have some of it memorized..."

Kotoha resumed her hunt, turning to the outfits on the clothes rack and reaching inside their pockets as though she truly expected to find her script inside one of them. 

"How long have you been looking?" Azusa asked from the door, concerned but also slightly amused by the unusual display.

Kotoha seemed not to hear.

"Oh god, oh god I'm so  _stupid_... I should have checked to make sure it was in my bag before I left the office last night... Or at least made some extra copies... What if the staff took it out along with the trash..."

Azusa sighed, and made her way over to Kotoha. "If you've been at it for so long, wouldn't it just be a better use of your time to ask the Producer for an extra?"

Kotoha's head whipped up to look at Azusa, eyes wide with incredulity.

"I can't possibly do that!... I don't want to do that! What if they don't have any more? Even worse, what if they're disappointed in me or think that I was careless to have lost something so important?! What... What if..."

As Kotoha trailed off, her face still scrunched up with worry, Azusa closed her eyes as she put her hand under her chin.

"Hmmm... I suppose the possibility of our ditzy Producer to not have any extra copies isn't too far-fetched. But I'll bet you one thing!" Azusa opened her eyes and took hold of Kotoha's hands, giving a grin. "If anyone can get something we need, it's Kotori. We can go ask her for help."

Kotoha stared at Azusa's hands cupping hers. "But... Are you sure?"

"Kotoha, I've seen that woman bark at a policeman and push him aside for being in our way as we were running to a photoshoot we were late for. I trust her to get anything done, even if she has to twist some necks to do it."

Kotoha looked up at Azusa. "Oh... Well I, I guess I might ask her, then. Thank you, Azusa."

"Awww." Suddenly, Azusa pulled Kotoha in for a hug, Kotoha's arms still outstretched in shock. "You know you can call me 'onee-san.' I'm here for you." 

"U-uh, um..." Kotoha wracked her brain for a response. "I, I think just Azusa is fine for now..."

She slowly let her arms gently wrap around Azusa's back, and buried her face into the soft cashmere of the taller girl's sweater.

 

* * *

 

 

11:05PM. Kotoha turned and looked behind at the scenery passing by the subway window. City lights floated gently along as the train rumbled less gracefully.

Kotoha turned to look at a sleeping Haruka, leaning her head on Kotoha's left shoulder. Haruka's fake glasses hung crookedly, and her hands held the beige newsboy hat she usually wore on the train.

For some reason, it felt kind of funny. Kotoha giggled a bit.

They had spent longer at the talk show recording than they had expected, and since it was getting late Haruka insisted that Kotoha come home with her for the night, as her place was only a 10 minute ride away. No matter how many times Kotoha tried to gracefully bow out, Haruka would beg her again, talking about how much fun they could have at a sleepover, so Kotoha had no choice but to eventually give in. 

And now here she was on the train, Haruka already out cold after just three minutes on the train.

Kotoha pulled out her phone from her jacket pocket and began aimlessly scrolling through her Twitter feed, not really paying attention to anything that passed by. She thought about that day--it was clear that Haruka was a veteran talk show guest, meanwhile Kotoha was stuttering and could have sworn that the audience could see her hands trembling. But when Haruka took hold of Kotoha's hand, and helped her with forming the right sentences, Kotoha could breathe again... almost. She survived to the end, at least.

Sighing, she put the phone back in her pocket. It was always like that--Haruka helping Kotoha, Kotoha needing the guidance of the younger girl... Sometimes Kotoha worried that she was burdening Haruka. But she knew Haruka, and deep down she knew that Haruka could never think of Kotoha as a burden.

Kotoha turned to look at Haruka with a dreamy gaze again, and smiled. At the very least, she was glad that she could help Haruka by giving her a shoulder to lean on.

 

* * *

 

 

Kotoha held Umi's phone in her hand, watching the boy band do some energetic dance moves while surrounded by flames and wearing layers of brightly colored suits and leather jackets. 

"Well... This is certainly very exciting."

"I know right!" Umi beamed. "A bunch of my friends started getting into these Korean groups to learn their dances, and they weren't kidding. This stuff is  _intense_! This is way harder than anything we've had to learn!"

Kotoha chuckled nervously. "Maybe that's a good thing... I'm not sure I have the confidence to do something like this."

"Awwww, come on! It's just all about practice." Umi flailed around, apparently trying to imitate the dancers in the music video. "Don't you wanna look that cool? Those outfits! Are so cool! And they're even wearing makeup! I think they're wearing more eyeliner and mascara than I do during performances!"

Kotoha laughed again. "It's unique, for sure. Pretty cool, yeah." Kotoha watched as Umi continued to (attempt to) sing  _ah-ah-ooh-whoa_  as she tried to mimic the dramatic, snappy moves. Then suddenly, she stopped and looked back over in Kotoha's direction.

"Hey Kotoha, if you don't wanna learn the dance--"

"--Ah, well, it's not that I  _don't_ want to--"

"--If you'd  _rather not_ learn that dance, how's about you help me learn it?"

Kotoha gave a puzzled look, while Umi took her phone back from Kotoha's hands. "I don't understand. How can I help you learn if I don't know the dance myself?"

"Easy!" Umi pointed her phone camera at Kotoha, who reflexively attempted to cover the camera with her hands. "You can watch me dance, and record it, and compare it to the real deal. Then you can tell me what parts I can improve on. You can be my extra set of eyes!" Umi brought the phone camera down and grinned widely. "You don't need to know the dance to see what I'm doing wrong when you compare them side by side."

Kotoha thought for a moment. "I don't know, Umi, I--"

"Come on! You're always being so picky on yourself to improve the little things. I want you to do the same for me! Instead of wearing yourself out, just lay it on me. With a coach as strict as you I'm sure to be good enough as those boy bands in no time!"

"Hey, who are you calling picky and strict?"

But looking into Umi's sparkling, eager eyes, Kotoha knew that there was no use in resisting. She smiled, and put her right hand on Umi's head to give a light rub.

"Alright. Sure thing, Umi."

" _YEAH!_ " And Umi began excitedly whipping her arms and legs in the air again to an inaudible beat.

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey, Megumi... I've been listening to this song, and I realized that the lyrics don't hold the same meaning to me anymore. I just can't relate anymore, but I keep listening to it anyway... I think I still like the music but what if this means that I don't actually love the song as much as I used to? I-I know that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it feels wrong and I..."

Megumi blinked, looking confusedly at Kotoha avoiding her gaze and fumbling with one of her earbuds. Then the face dropped into an exasperated chuckle.

"Oh Kotoha, whaddya gotta be so serious all the time for? If it's good music, then it's good music, right? Don't think the musician wanted you to be having an existential crisis over whether you deserve to enjoy their songs or anything."

"Yeah, but--"

"Like, besides, you can enjoy something without having to personally relate to it y'know? You can't possibly expect to be able to empathize with everyone's specific lives, right?"

"Well--"

"Why can't you just... Or... How 'bout you let yourself appreciate the song, because you appreciate the feeling that the writer put into the lyrics? Or maybe just 'cuz the beat just slaps, y'know. That's the second most valid reason to like a song."

Kotoha looked up at Megumi, brows slightly scrunched together but still a sheepish smile on her face. "Yeah. I guess you're right."

"C'mon, whatcha listenin' to anyway?" Megumi plopped herself down next to Kotoha on the couch, taking the earbud out of Kotoha's hand and putting it in her right ear.

"Oooh, yeah. This  _does_ kind of slap."

Kotoha couldn't help but laugh.


End file.
